The Ferris Wheel (Memoir)

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Friday Fictioneers’ (http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/) is hosted every week by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. It’s a pretty awesome idea that goes like this: A weekly photograph is posted and the writer is challenged to create a 100-word story or poem inspired by the photo. Post your work on your blog and link it to the Friday Fictioneers’ post where comments and feedback are shared. Give it a shot! This week’s photograph is by Lora Mitchell.

ferris wheel

Here’s my attempt this week:

The Ferris Wheel (Memoir)

I sat wedged between Mama and Ray. My feet dangled.

We’d come to Virginia Beach, like a family. It was nighttime, and the carnival lights had pulled me in. “Can we ride?”

Three tickets later, we soared in a salty wind. City lights were our magic carpet.

The carriage stopped at the very top. Ray leaned forward, tipping us, rocking us.

I inhaled, looking up to him, eyes wide.

Ray’s hand tightened on my shoulder. “Don’t be scared; I’ve got you.”

Off to our right, there was a whistle, then a loud boom, and a million sparkles lit up the night.

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48 Responses to “The Ferris Wheel (Memoir)”

  1. waitingforaname Says:

    A very rich piece… “Like a family” worked well. I want to know who these people are, where they’ve been, and where they’re going. Good work!

  2. Tom Poet Says:

    Ray sounds like a good guy….adding to the excitement and letting you know you were safe with him there. Touching.
    Tom

  3. Perry Block (@PerryBlock) Says:

    A very sweet evocative piece. You actually took us there.

  4. Abraham Says:

    I like it. The child’s perspective shows quite well.
    I like the dangling feet and the excitement and being scared.
    Well done!

  5. claireful Says:

    That was really vivid. And there was so much left unsaid for the reader to try and work out. I too loved ‘like a family’ and Ray’s words ‘I’ve got you’ could have so many meanings. Lovely writing.

  6. OldMack Says:

    “Like a family” is poignant, wistful, on a ferriswheel ride. So this is “flash fiction.” I must have overlooked that aspect of the business.
    I’ll try it soon.
    I got sucked into Hemingway’s letters and journalism pieces. But recovered in time to cook Pinto beans with the bone and last scraps of the Christmas ham. Good enough to eat, and now Zooey is gnawing the bone (poor old gal doesn’t have the teeth to crack the bone and get to that marrow; tomorrow I’ll break it with an axe).

    • train-whistle Says:

      Hey Mack. Thanks for stopping by. Hemingway’s letters, huh? That sounds right up my alley. Here you go talking about Pinto beans and ham again. This must be a sign that I need to go fix me some. I feel a bit like Zooey. I could gnaw on that ham bone about now myself.

  7. rochellewisoff Says:

    I loved 100 word feast, Whistle. Obviously, Ray was someone the child felt safe with. The imagery of the magic carpet was stunning. (Personally I’d have had my eyes shut and be begging to get off the ride. I’m terrified of heights.)
    Bravo!
    shalom and welcome back,
    Rochelle

  8. sustainabilitea Says:

    I loved the feel of your story. The magic carpet sentence was perfectly done and the overall feeling was magical, too.

  9. Sandra Says:

    A great piece from the POV of a child. Very well done.

  10. jenniesisler Says:

    This is very sweet – the trust between a child and an adult. As a fellow Virginian, I loved the reference to Virginia Beach, it made the piece more personal for me. Great job!

  11. elmowrites Says:

    Vivid and evocative story. I love the emotions you fit into this piece!

  12. SocietyRed Says:

    TW,
    This is really a great piece.
    I think your work shines in this venue.
    Red

  13. yerpirate Says:

    Yes, that ‘magic carpet’ line was stunning..touching piece,

  14. rheath40 Says:

    Mesmerizing. I liked this very much. Nice imagery in such a short story.

  15. rgayer55 Says:

    Wow, what a view that must have been. Fireworks from the top of a Ferris wheel. Very well written. I could feel my butt cheeks clench when Ray rocked the carriage.

  16. billgncs Says:

    vivid and touching, I felt as if I could see it, and feel it.

  17. bridgesareforburning Says:

    Thought you did an excellent job of re-creating a nice nostalgic moment. Thanks for commenting on my story. Ron

  18. mari wells Says:

    That was a sweet little story. It makes me think Mama will be marrying Ray soon and “like a family” they enjoyed this outing.

  19. rich Says:

    that was a great feeling of what a big brother does.

  20. tedstrutz Says:

    Nice memoir… I loved this line… Three tickets later, we soared in a salty wind.

    You will have to tell us your name, we can’t keep calling you ‘train-whistle’.

    • train-whistle Says:

      Thanks Ted. The name’s Margaret-Dawn, much too long to type out each time. Lots of friends in the online writing community just call me Train. Either is fine with me. Thanks for your read and comment. I’m enjoying this group very much.

  21. Robert Gregory Says:

    Very nicely done, Margaret-Dawn! 😀 …Okay, I can go with Train as well!

  22. elappleby Says:

    This is a lovely little piece – very cleverly done.

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