Friday Fictioneers’ (http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/) is hosted every week by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. It’s a pretty awesome idea that goes like this: A weekly photograph is posted and the writer is challenged to create a 100-word story or poem inspired by the photo. Post your work on your blog and link it to the Friday Fictioneers’ post where comments and feedback are shared. Give it a shot! This week’s photograph is by Lora Mitchell.
Here’s my attempt this week:
The Ferris Wheel (Memoir)
I sat wedged between Mama and Ray. My feet dangled.
We’d come to Virginia Beach, like a family. It was nighttime, and the carnival lights had pulled me in. “Can we ride?”
Three tickets later, we soared in a salty wind. City lights were our magic carpet.
The carriage stopped at the very top. Ray leaned forward, tipping us, rocking us.
I inhaled, looking up to him, eyes wide.
Ray’s hand tightened on my shoulder. “Don’t be scared; I’ve got you.”
Off to our right, there was a whistle, then a loud boom, and a million sparkles lit up the night.
Tags: 100 Words, Carnival, carnival lights, family, Ferris Wheel, Flash Fiction, Friday Fictioneers, Memoir, vacation, Virginia Beach
Train's Whistle 
January 4, 2013 at 3:17 am |
A very rich piece… “Like a family” worked well. I want to know who these people are, where they’ve been, and where they’re going. Good work!
January 4, 2013 at 3:25 am |
thank you. When it’s this close, it’s hard to tell whether it works, especially in the 100 word limit. I appreciate your feedback.
January 4, 2013 at 5:59 am |
Ray sounds like a good guy….adding to the excitement and letting you know you were safe with him there. Touching.
Tom
January 4, 2013 at 2:51 pm |
Thank you Tom. Glad to know it worked!
January 4, 2013 at 6:24 am |
A very sweet evocative piece. You actually took us there.
January 4, 2013 at 2:51 pm |
Yay, I’m so glad. Thanks for reading and commenting.
January 4, 2013 at 6:42 am |
I like it. The child’s perspective shows quite well.
I like the dangling feet and the excitement and being scared.
Well done!
January 4, 2013 at 6:31 pm |
Thank you Abraham. I’ve been trying to write from the child’s POV lately. Glad it worked for you.
January 4, 2013 at 8:00 am |
That was really vivid. And there was so much left unsaid for the reader to try and work out. I too loved ‘like a family’ and Ray’s words ‘I’ve got you’ could have so many meanings. Lovely writing.
January 4, 2013 at 2:57 pm |
ah, good. It’s hard to spell it all out in the 100 word limit. All I can hope to do is leave the emotion hanging out there. I’m so glad it worked for you.
January 4, 2013 at 8:52 am |
“Like a family” is poignant, wistful, on a ferriswheel ride. So this is “flash fiction.” I must have overlooked that aspect of the business.
I’ll try it soon.
I got sucked into Hemingway’s letters and journalism pieces. But recovered in time to cook Pinto beans with the bone and last scraps of the Christmas ham. Good enough to eat, and now Zooey is gnawing the bone (poor old gal doesn’t have the teeth to crack the bone and get to that marrow; tomorrow I’ll break it with an axe).
January 4, 2013 at 1:43 pm |
Hey Mack. Thanks for stopping by. Hemingway’s letters, huh? That sounds right up my alley. Here you go talking about Pinto beans and ham again. This must be a sign that I need to go fix me some. I feel a bit like Zooey. I could gnaw on that ham bone about now myself.
January 4, 2013 at 10:40 am |
I loved 100 word feast, Whistle. Obviously, Ray was someone the child felt safe with. The imagery of the magic carpet was stunning. (Personally I’d have had my eyes shut and be begging to get off the ride. I’m terrified of heights.)
Bravo!
shalom and welcome back,
Rochelle
January 4, 2013 at 10:41 am |
There should be a “the” between loved and 100.
January 4, 2013 at 1:45 pm |
Thank you Rochelle. I’ve been working on a few of these childhood vignettes and thought this would be a nice way to pare down to just the raw emotion. I’m getting there. You don’t know how much I appreciate the prompt and everyone’s input.
January 4, 2013 at 1:34 pm |
I loved the feel of your story. The magic carpet sentence was perfectly done and the overall feeling was magical, too.
January 4, 2013 at 2:55 pm |
Thanks so much for your input.
January 4, 2013 at 2:33 pm |
A great piece from the POV of a child. Very well done.
January 4, 2013 at 2:53 pm |
Thank you Sandra. I’ve been working on several of these. Wanted to float this one to see if it worked for the reader.
January 4, 2013 at 2:56 pm
It worked very well.
January 4, 2013 at 2:58 pm
🙂
January 4, 2013 at 3:24 pm |
This is very sweet – the trust between a child and an adult. As a fellow Virginian, I loved the reference to Virginia Beach, it made the piece more personal for me. Great job!
January 4, 2013 at 6:25 pm |
thanks so much. it’s good when a writer can pull the reader in and make it more personal. I appreciate your time and input.
January 4, 2013 at 3:53 pm |
Vivid and evocative story. I love the emotions you fit into this piece!
January 4, 2013 at 6:26 pm |
thanks. I was hoping the parts I cut from the original wouldn’t water it down too much.
January 4, 2013 at 4:27 pm |
TW,
This is really a great piece.
I think your work shines in this venue.
Red
January 4, 2013 at 6:28 pm |
thank you Red. It’s still hard for me to pare down to the bones, but I think it really helps me make sure that every word is necessary. I’m learning. 🙂
January 4, 2013 at 7:37 pm |
Yes, that ‘magic carpet’ line was stunning..touching piece,
January 4, 2013 at 8:05 pm |
much appreciated, thank you. Come back anytime.
January 4, 2013 at 8:58 pm |
Mesmerizing. I liked this very much. Nice imagery in such a short story.
January 4, 2013 at 11:01 pm |
thanks so much. I’m learning to do this 100 word thing. It really is a challenge.
January 5, 2013 at 1:15 am
It certainly is, but it helps so much. I’m learning to tell better stories by writing flash fiction. Good for us!
January 4, 2013 at 10:15 pm |
Wow, what a view that must have been. Fireworks from the top of a Ferris wheel. Very well written. I could feel my butt cheeks clench when Ray rocked the carriage.
January 4, 2013 at 11:02 pm |
thanks so much. I appreciate the read and your feedback.
January 4, 2013 at 11:36 pm |
vivid and touching, I felt as if I could see it, and feel it.
January 5, 2013 at 12:04 am |
thanks so much.
January 4, 2013 at 11:41 pm |
Thought you did an excellent job of re-creating a nice nostalgic moment. Thanks for commenting on my story. Ron
January 5, 2013 at 12:05 am |
thank you very much and thanks for coming by to read mine.
January 4, 2013 at 11:55 pm |
That was a sweet little story. It makes me think Mama will be marrying Ray soon and “like a family” they enjoyed this outing.
January 5, 2013 at 12:06 am |
thanks, that ending would have been fantasy. It’s good to dream though. 🙂
January 5, 2013 at 4:05 am |
that was a great feeling of what a big brother does.
January 5, 2013 at 1:50 pm |
thanks Rich. appreciate the feedback. see you next week, if not before.
January 5, 2013 at 6:11 am |
Nice memoir… I loved this line… Three tickets later, we soared in a salty wind.
You will have to tell us your name, we can’t keep calling you ‘train-whistle’.
January 5, 2013 at 1:52 pm |
Thanks Ted. The name’s Margaret-Dawn, much too long to type out each time. Lots of friends in the online writing community just call me Train. Either is fine with me. Thanks for your read and comment. I’m enjoying this group very much.
January 5, 2013 at 9:18 pm |
Very nicely done, Margaret-Dawn! 😀 …Okay, I can go with Train as well!
January 5, 2013 at 10:56 pm |
thanks so much. Alright, Train it is. See you next Friday!
January 6, 2013 at 3:35 pm |
This is a lovely little piece – very cleverly done.
January 6, 2013 at 10:55 pm |
thanks so much. come back anytime. see you next Friday!